Why Accountability Feels Hard

We’ve previously discussed why accountability is hard to enforce in ourselves and with others, and today we’re going into even more nuance. 

Accountability is especially hard in power dynamics

Accountability feels even trickier when power dynamics are involved. Speaking up to a boss, mentor, or someone with influence carries real risks: Will I be dismissed? Will there be consequences? Will this harm the relationship?

Yes, there are skills we teach people to help them speak up to leadership, but moreso, we teach leaders how to create environments where their staff feel safe to speak up,  where feedback is welcomed, not punished, and where accountability flows in all directions. True cultures of accountability flatten hierarchy enough so that truth can be spoken with courage and received with humility.

Accountability triggers our defense mechanisms

Accountability often bumps up against our nervous system’s instinct to protect. When someone points out a gap or misstep, it can feel like a threat - our competence, our belonging, and our worth. And thanks to evolution, our defenses kick in automatically.

Understanding this helps us soften. If defensiveness is a natural response, then accountability conversations should be designed to lower the sense of threat. We often employ curiosity, empathy, and non-judgmental language to help reduce defensiveness and open the possibility for genuine reflection and change.

How do we rewire our nervous systems to be triggered with less frequency or intensity?

Our nervous systems are wired for survival, which means critique can easily feel like danger. To shift this, we can practice grounding techniques—breath, pausing, or somatic awareness—to calm our bodies before reacting.

Rewiring also comes from repetition: the more we practice hearing and giving feedback in supportive ways, the less threatening it becomes. Over time, accountability can shift from triggering fear to inviting connection and growth.

PSA: We’re human, so we’re bound to flounder

Striving to grow while carrying old patterns is part of being human. We live in the state of who we’ve been and who we’re becoming. It’s messy, imperfect, and sometimes discouraging. Empathy—for ourselves and others—goes a long way. Progress is rarely linear, and setbacks don’t erase growth. Allowing ourselves and others grace to stumble while striving helps a culture stay committed to performance without losing sight of the people experience, making room for real transformation to unfold.

And yet, it feels especially difficult to digest that leaders and role models don’t always get it right

When people we look up to—leaders, coaches, mentors—miss the mark, it can feel disorienting. We want those we admire (or who at least get paid more) to model something better than we can do, but they too are human, navigating their own growth and blind spots.

Rather than seeing their missteps as disqualifying, we can reframe them as reminders: everyone is learning. The most impactful leaders aren’t flawless—they’re accountable, transparent, and willing to grow in public. That vulnerability is often what makes them truly trustworthy.

Stay tuned to this series as we continue with more challenges to accountability in the workplace. 

Interested in helping your team excel at healthy accountability?