Feedback Without Fear
- Tara Giambrone
- Oct 2
- 3 min read
In order to hold one another accountable, we need to speak up. Speaking up—whether to give feedback or to step in as an upstander—is an act of care and responsibility. It signals that you value the person, the team, and the culture enough to name what others might avoid. Silence may feel safer in the moment, but it allows harmful patterns to continue unchecked. By voicing observations with courage and compassion, we create opportunities for growth, repair, and healthier dynamics. Speaking up isn’t about confrontation—it’s about contributing to a culture where truth can be shared and everyone feels accountable for making things better.
How to give and receive feedback
Feedback is one of the most powerful tools for growth, but it’s also one of the most misunderstood. Giving feedback requires clarity and compassion—naming the behavior, not the person, and offering insight as an invitation, not a verdict.
Tips for Giving Feedback:
Be specific, not vague. Instead of “You need to communicate better,” try “In yesterday’s meeting, it was hard to hear your point because you spoke quickly—slowing down could help your message land.”
Focus on behavior, not character. Talk about what happened instead of labeling who they are.
Balance honesty with care. Frame it as an invitation to grow: “I noticed X, and I think Y could make a difference.”
Check readiness. Ask, “Is now a good time for some feedback?” so they feel prepared.
Receiving feedback is equally challenging. It asks us to listen without defensiveness, to separate our worth from the critique, and to hold onto what’s useful while letting go of what isn’t. Both giving and receiving feedback work best when grounded in mutual respect and the shared goal of growth.
Tips for Receiving Feedback:
Pause before reacting. Take a breath and listen fully instead of rushing to defend.
Separate self-worth from critique. Remember, feedback is about your actions, not your identity.
Ask clarifying questions. “Can you give me an example?” ensures you understand what they mean.
Thank the giver. Even if it stings, acknowledging their effort creates trust and keeps the door open.
Going from Bystander to Upstander
Noticing something isn’t right and choosing to bring attention to it is courageous. The shift from bystander to upstander doesn’t require confrontation—it can start with curiosity. “I noticed this—can you help me understand?” opens dialogue without blame.
Gentle attention signals care: care for the person, care for the community, and care for the values at stake. Accountability through curiosity creates conditions where change feels possible rather than forced, and where everyone can feel understood and part of the solution.
Asking for feedback is the key to professional development
Inviting feedback can feel vulnerable, but it’s also one of the most empowering things we can do for our growth. Instead of waiting for others to volunteer insights, we can create openings: What’s one thing I could do differently to support you better? or Where do you see a blind spot for me?
When we normalize asking for feedback, we show that learning is ongoing, not just something expected of others. This humility not only accelerates personal growth but also fosters a culture where feedback is safe, reciprocal, and valued. This is a key ingredient to maintaining a healthy, high-performing culture.
The dangers of unhealthy accountability
When accountability is enforced in a toxic manner, it often becomes distorted—used less as a tool for growth and more as a weapon of control. Instead of fostering learning and responsibility, accountability may show up as blame-shifting, public shaming, or selective enforcement based on favoritism or power dynamics. In these environments, employees can become fearful, disengaged, or resentful, seeing “accountability” as punishment rather than empowerment. The result is a culture where trust erodes, people play it safe instead of innovating, and true responsibility is avoided.
On the opposite end, when we avoid accountability in the name of kindness and not rocking the boat, we risk slipping into enabling patterns, which is toxic and disempowering in its own right. This may feel compassionate in the moment, but it ultimately undermines growth and trust. People can’t improve if no one tells them the truth. Healthy accountability thrives on fairness, empathy, and consistency. Without, it risks deepening the very toxicity it’s meant to resolve.
Empowering high performance cultures is the result of combining compassion with accountability. By holding people to their commitments in a human-led way, we support their capacity to succeed and we affirm both their potential and their responsibility. True care doesn’t shelter people from discomfort - it walks with them through it toward growth.
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